WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
