I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
