he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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