Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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