It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
