Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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