He uses pillows to masturbate.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
