he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
