As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Randomize
