How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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