Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I love black thongs
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
birth control should be required to get into college
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize