capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
