Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
