HIV tests are more positive than that guy
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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