After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
