yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
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Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
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Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.