so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart