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• (248): View more from Michigan

  They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance

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• (817): View more from Texas

  Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day

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• (514): View more from Quebec

  btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough

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  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.

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• (916): View more from California

  1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.

  (707): View more from California

  *roof

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.

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  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

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• (339): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm cool with that

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro

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• (606): View more from Kentucky

  He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.

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• (408): View more from California

  I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."

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