I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
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We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
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Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize