Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(678): View more from Georgia

why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?

(770): View more from Georgia

I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle

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(913): View more from Kansas

Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!

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(248): View more from Michigan

My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(845): View more from New York

Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..

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(605): View more from South Dakota

I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.

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(817): View more from Texas

Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.

(817): View more from Texas

Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".

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(708): View more from Illinois

Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.

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