I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
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PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
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you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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