i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING