alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
