this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
