I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
