And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
