i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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