if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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