Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
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you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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