Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
