That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm having to shit out rocks
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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