Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
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