i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
