AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
