Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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