the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
