CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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