just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
