remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Randomize
