I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
this hospital has no fireball
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
