Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
