It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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