I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You left your phone here
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