Christians are straight up FREAKS
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It was confusing and full of hummus
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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