i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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