My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
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I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
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Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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