the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
