Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize