hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
