im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
