He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
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i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
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We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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