the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
