in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
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