know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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