god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
what day is it and did you see me today?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
