so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
This house was built for laser tag.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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