U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
