I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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