end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
