I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms