so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.