I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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