I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.