Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face