she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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