I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
