Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize