im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
