I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
