Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
