I hate all girls vehemently.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
