so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
