Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
