In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
